I am in Kiserian having lunch with Peninah and Elizabeth. They are keen to talk about Scottish men and in particular what life is like for women in Scotland. Peninah explains the rule in Kenya. “ Men can do what they want, whenever they want and with whoever they want.”
Elizabeth continues, “In Kenya, the husband has all the rights and all the power. He controls the money so will give the wife as little or as much as he chooses – irrespective of who earns it. There are many situations where only the wife has a paid job but it is still considered to be her husband’s money.”
Peninah adds, with a twinkle in her eye, that any Kenyan woman with half a brain either puts away a little something or has her own secret bank account. Sensible idea in the circumstances. They cannot believe I have a joint bank account with my husband and can withdraw money without his permission.
The next hot topic is faithfulness. It is very unusual to encounter a man who is faithful to his wife, they tell me. Peninah asks me what I did the first time I discovered that my husband was unfaithful. I was nonplussed. I’m fairly sure that in 32 years of marriage, fidelity has not been an issue. They are both shocked. I explain that few women in Scotland would choose to stay in a marriage if the husband behaved like a tom cat! Women in the UK are more likely to be able to be financially independent or supported by the state and that gives them more choices.
Peninah says that it is very rare and very difficult for a Maasai woman to leave her husband, no matter what he does. She will have no means to support herself or her children, she may have her children removed (they are owned by the man) and she will be shunned by the rest of the community because husbands will forbid their wives to speak to her. However, a Masaai man can leave his wife or take more wives as he chooses.
Elizabeth says that another feature of Kenyan men is that they go out all the time but refuse to say where they have been. If a wife asks, she is likely to be beaten as it is none of her business. Conversely, most husbands are insanely jealous and are always suspecting their wives of infidelity. Therefore, if the wife is out for the day, she is likely to get phone calls every hour or two demanding to know what she is doing or who she is with. Elizabeth wants to know what I do when Stuart beats me. He doesn’t, I explain. But that may be because he knows that if he did, I would probably take a carving knife to his heart!
We reflect on the differences for women in Scotland and Kenya. Things are changing in Kenya but it is a slow process. I ask if they think it is related to the Bride Price. This is the tradition where a man must pay his bride’s family a dowry before the wedding. This effectively means that he buys her, in the same way that he buys a car or a cow. Of course, when you buy something, you own it and you can do what you want with it. There is silence for a few moments as the two women absorb this. “You are right, “says Elizabeth. ”It makes perfect sense. We are not taken as partners we are bought like cows!” she says angrily. This will have to change in Kenya before things are better for our daughters.” I think she is right.
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